How to find true love

While “How to Get Over a Breakup” was the number one requested article topic I’ve written on, it’s not surprising that a close second is the topic of “How to Find the Ideal Relationship”. Here’s an email from one reader:

“I’ve realized that one of my main goals is to find a worthwhile and long term relationship. I noticed you have entries on how to keep a relationship and on how to end a relationship so would you consider writing an entry on what you perceive to be the best way to find a worthwhile relationship. How to avoid making the same mistakes, overcoming fears, keeping up motivation after failure etc.”
- Gary (Dublin, Ireland)

Regardless of our culture, our level of education or economic status, at the depth of all of us are the same desires- to love, to be loved, and to be happy.

Of course we could add other desires to this list, like money and wealth and fancy things, but when you drill into these things, the reason for wanting them is so that we can appear more desirable, and will hopefully be loved and accepted.

If love is something so fundamentally important to us, then why is it that we have so many issues and misunderstandings in the area of finding it? I think the answer is simple, that most of us have never been educated in this fundamental area of our development. Chances are, you didn’t grow up with parents who were relationship experts, and we certainly didn’t study relationships in our high school curriculums. For most of us, it’s been an adventure in trial and error and learning through pain and heart-break. But is there an easier way?

In light of Valentine’s Day approaching this week, I am going to touch on one of my favorite topics of all time: finding love.

Personal Story

I spent most of my time in my late teens and early twenties on finding love, or so I thought at the time. In actuality I was seeking self-acceptance, approval and identity. I was deeply insecure and had a great fear of being alone. I jumped from relationship to relationship, all the while searching for myself. But the act of seeking self-worth through my external relationships took me further from that which I longed.

I’ve always been an ambitious person and in addition to my job, I’ve often worked on side projects and other interests. But whenever I found myself in a relationship, I would drop everything that was important to me and would focus exclusively on the person I was dating. You see, I didn’t respect myself, and I thought that finding someone to love me was more important than anything else. During these time-consuming romantic courtships, I was distancing myself further from my passions, my purpose and my true self.

Looking back, I had entered many of these relationships out of infatuation or loneliness. It was the fear of abandonment or the guilt of obligation that kept me in these relationships. I often got into and remained involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. I would convince myself that no one else out there would love me, and so I settled. Despite my surface appearance, I was deeply unhappy.

My freedom day came roughly two years ago. In a state of deep depression over unsatisfied relationships and through a growing despise of my gross dependencies on them, a miraculous understanding came to me and I experienced a moment of clarity. At that moment I made a vow to end the pain. (Read my detailed journal entry from that day here.)

I started to devour as much material and wisdom as I could find on the topic of relationships, and studied (and continue to study) with relationship expert Alison Armstrong. I have come a long way from being that insecure little girl, and have learned much about myself in the process. Most importantly I discovered that once I started to truly love myself, and to focus on my own inner peace and wellness, true love came looking for me.
Reference

台南小吃匯整

一、民族路/永福路

　【福來珍餅舖】成功路vs忠義路
　【伏苓糕】成功國小對面通往自強街的巷道
★【黃金水蝦捲、蝦餃】成功路150號（光復市場/鴨母寮菜市19號）
★【真正紅燒土魠魚羹】民族路二段46號
★【老曾羊肉】民族路二段133號
★【米糕、魷魚、四神湯】民族路二段134號
★【鴨肉羹】民族路二段168號
★【白北浮水魚羹】民族路二段337號（與永福路交差口）
▲【赤崁樓浮水花枝羹】民族路二段vs赤崁街（赤崁樓旁）
▲【蚵仔煎】民族路二段230~240號（石精臼市場）
★【虱目魚粥】地址同上
　【石精臼飯桌】地址同上
▲【福人素食自助餐】永福路二段44號
▲【舊永珍餅舖】永福路二段179號※訂婚魯肉餅
★【清珍鴨肉羹】永福路二段194號
★【武廟肉圓】永福路二段225號
　【金義珍餅舖】永福路二段※合婚糖
★【姚家燒鳥店】民族路三段52號

二、永樂市場

▲【春捲】民族路三段19號（永樂市場）
▲【割包】永樂市場113號
★【蝦仁肉圓】永樂市場111號
▲【韭菜盒、蔥油餅】永樂市場103號
▲【富盛號碗粿】宮後街50號（永樂市場）
▲【土魠魚羹】宮後街49號（永樂市場）
▲【鍋燒意麵】宮後街45號（永樂市場）
▲【鱔魚意麵】宮後街vs民權路三段（永樂市場）

三、沙卡里巴/國華街

★【鱔魚意麵】友愛街206巷（沙卡里巴）※活魷魚
▲【蝦捲/香腸熟肉】地址同上※蝦捲/粉腸/大腸/香腸/米血/菜頭
　/魚卵/生腸/豬心/豬肝/花枝/沙魚
▲【赤崁棺材板】地址同上
▲【榮盛米糕店】地址同上
　【基明飯桌】地址同上
▲【蝦仁肉圓】地址同上
▲【廣東真滷味】友愛街148號（南都電影院旁）
★【蝦仁肉圓】國華街48號（中正路214號旁）
▲【許錦川竽粿】國華街58巷2號
　【江水號】國華街58巷13號
▲【員林肉圓】國華街12號
　【羊肉湯】國華街大菜市
　【意麵】國華街大菜市

四、青年路/民權路/忠義路/中山路/中正路/西門路/南門路

　【古早味素食】青年路18號
▲【萬川餅舖】青年路76號※花煎餅、古早餅、台式水餃
▲【清祺早點】青年路135號
　【甕王雞】青年路142號
　【永盛香餅舖】民權路一段※壽桃、發粿
▲【新涼涼--太陽牌冰品】民權路一段41號 ※紅豆牛奶霜不錯吃
▲【再發號肉粽】民權路二段71號（與公園路交叉口）
　【阿美砂鍋鴨】民權路二段98號
▲【阿霞紅蟳米糕】忠義路二段84巷7號※非常非常貴
▲【阿村香腸熟肉】忠義路二段197號※鴨肉/魯肉/米血/紅蟳米糕
　/竹筒鴨/魚翅/鱔魚（可能會很貴?）
▲【阿川虱目魚丸】中山路8巷3之1號
★【冬菜鴨】中山路47號
▲【度小月擔仔麵】中正路16號（市議會對面）※很好吃,但,非常非常貴
★【雙全紅茶】中正路131巷2號
▲【羊城油雞】中正路199巷5號
　【老鄭粽子】西門路圓典百貨旁內沙陶宮前
★【阿美綠豆湯】西門路二段374號（近西門圓環）
▲【雅生園】南門路17號※綠豆沙/豆花
▲【大西洋冰城】南門路185號※彎豆冰
▲【迦南水果店】南門路185-4號※鍋燒意麵

五、府前路/開山路/大同路

★【東門當歸鴨】府前路一段2號（東門圓環邊）
▲【圓環頂菜粽】府前路一段40號
★【鱔魚意麵】府前路一段48號
　【包仔稞包子】開山路巷內※包子/水晶餃
▲【阿龍意麵】府前路一段62號
★【莉莉水果店】府前路一段201號
★【福記肉圓】府前路一段215號
▲【傅美麗油飯】府前路一段251號※油飯/米糕
★【羊肉】府前路一段341號
　【小南碗稞】府前路二段140號※虱目魚羹
▲【ORO】開山路20號※桔茶
▲【友誠肉圓】開山路118號
★【鄭記碗稞】開山路301號（小南碗稞的弟弟）
★【森茂碗稞】大同路一段vs開山路
▲【上富排骨飯】大同路一段144號
　【大同包子】大同路二段115號

六、慶中街/南寧街

★【郭家綠豆湯】慶中街（與五妃街交叉口）/長榮路二段
★【碗稞/土魠魚羹】慶中街62號（與五妃街交叉口）
▲【豬血/豬腸湯】慶中街62號對面
★【楊哥楊嫂肉粽】慶中街39號（與南寧街交叉口）
▲【阿婆肉粽】南寧街56號
▲【杏林豆腐冰】體育路3號

七、安平區

★【安平豆花/松霖茶坊】安北路431號
★【周氏安平蝦捲】安平路730號
★【古堡蚵仔煎】國勝路78號（安平路794號右轉/天后宮or安平古堡旁）
▲【永泰興蜜餞行】延平街84號（在臺灣第一街）
　【蚵爹】安平妙壽宮前（古堡街11號附近/中秋節至農曆二月底）

八、保安市場

　【阿文豬心】大智街92號之1
　【阿慶哥米糕】大勇街29號
　【鴨肉羹】保安路36號（與海安路交叉口）
　【浮水魚羹】永華路110巷29號（保安市場）
　【紅燒土魠魚羹】永華路110巷43號（保安市場）

九 、小北

　【容吉炒羊肉】小北夜市6號
　【上好旗魚羹】小北夜市13號
　【豐鼎魚麵】小北夜市52號
▲【棺材板】小北
　【鼎邊銼】小北
　【香腸熟肉】小北

十、其他

　【阿銘牛肉麵】健康路二段252巷17號
▲【88燻茶鵝】夏林路1-16號
★【阿國鵝肉】文南路
★【小卷米粉】中華西路一段2巷5號
▲【山東蔥餅】勝利路
▲【感性滷味】東寧路vs長榮路
　【萬長伯豆花】東寧路vs東安路（崇誨國宅）
　【大灣阿珍花生糖】大灣國光路邊
　【全海岸活蝦】永康市永大路590號※胡椒蝦/麻油蝦/燒酒蝦/活烤蝦
　【滋英軒】民生路
　【油頭魚麵】民生路
　【廖家火雞肉飯】公園路※火雞頭肉切盤